We all live our lives in the first person. Because of this, we tend to internalize every situation that we notice, we adapt it to our reality, judge it, and feel it, this is the basis of empathy, putting yourself in other people’s shoes.
However, with the power of feeling a great deal of joy for somebody or ourselves by internalizing the emotions and situation, we also amplify the negative ones.
Often, people struggle with handling strong negative emotions, and I don’t blame anyone who struggles with them. Imagine living with grief 100% of the time internally, it would consume anyone.
But what do I mean by “internally”? I’m talking about being trapped in a perspective that doesn’t give you answers, a viewpoint so immersed in the storm that it can’t see the horizon.
What I call the “First-Third Point of View ”
When I was younger, around 15 years of age, my dog died, it was a jack Russel named Semola, he was old, sick, and ultimately, had to be put down. My mother didn’t tell me till after she returned.
When I got the news, I felt a mixture of sadness, betrayal, and confusion. Why didn’t she tell me? Why wasn’t I there to say goodbye? My thoughts spiraled, and grief began to control every corner of my mind.
After a day of crying, I tried to escape, not from the grief itself, but from myself, from my perspective. I tried to distance myself from what I was feeling and seeing in that moment. In that moment I visualized my reality from another perspective, the “First-Third Point of View.”
I visualized myself as a third party in the situation, almost like an astral projection. Observing without judgment brought immense relief.
This helped me accept my mother’s decision, as she wanted to protect me and accept my dog’s death as something “natural” and not something with intrinsic meaning.
After that, I practiced this detachment more intentionally, and besides finding it incredibly useful in social interactions, arguments, and even moments of self-doubt, it is incredibly relieving and peaceful.
The better I got doing this, the more I understood the quote from Charlie Chaplin “Life is a tragedy when seen in close–up, but a comedy in long-shot.
Scientific Background of the Technique
The First-Third Point of View, which I’ll discuss further in this article, closely aligns with the concept of perspective-taking in psychology.
Research has shown that deliberately adopting a new personal perspective can reduce negative emotions and enhance emotional regulation.
For instance, a study published in Psychological Science found that individuals who engaged in third-person self-talk experienced lower levels of anger and emotional reactivity, highlighting the effectiveness of this cognitive reappraisal strategy in managing difficult emotions. You can read the study here: The Impact of Perspective Change As a Cognitive Reappraisal Strategy
Beyond psychological studies, neuroscience also supports the power of perspective-taking. Practices like mindfulness and visualization have been shown to reduce activity in the Default Mode Network (DMN), the brain’s self-referential system often linked to rumination and overthinking.
By quieting the DMN, these techniques help create mental clarity, allowing you to step away from repetitive thoughts and see situations more objectively.
In essence, detaching from your immediate perspective rewires your brain for emotional resilience and a broader understanding of your experiences.
This practice gets a whole lot of inspiration from The Stoic philosophers, particularly Marcus Aurelius, who often wrote about viewing life from a detached perspective to gain clarity.
In his Meditations, Aurelius encourages us to ‘look at life as if from a height,’ observing events without getting caught in their emotional grip.
This ancient wisdom aligns perfectly with the First-Third Point of View, offering a timeless reminder that clarity comes when we step back and take a broader view.
How To Detach Yourself from Yourself
Premise
Before explaining how to achieve this state I just want to point out that this is NOT a way to escape from emotions, it’s a way to get in literally a third impartial point of view, in order to understand better a situation that by staying in our own first point of view we wouldn’t get.
Personal emotions must be handled and controlled, not suppressed or escaped, but faced.
Step-by-Step Guide
Entering your Third Point of View it’s a middle ground between a visualization exercise and an Astral Projection. To experience this for the first time it would be better to enter your meditation pose and get as comfortable as you can.
- Close your eyes and take slow, deep breaths. Focus on the rhythm of your breathing to anchor yourself in the present moment.
- With your eyes still closed, imagine the room around you in vivid detail. Picture the objects, the walls, and even the space beyond, like the next room or the world outside.
- In your mind, imagine you’re floating above the room. Visualize yourself observing everything from above, like a bird gliding through the air.
- Shift your focus to your figure in the room. Imagine looking at yourself as if you were someone else entirely. Notice your posture, your expression, your energy. Create a small mental distance between “you” and “them.”
- Now, consider what “they” (you) are feeling or thinking. Approach these emotions as you would for a friend, with compassion but without making them your own.
To Summarize
- Begin with Breathing
- Visualize Your Surroundings:
- Take Flight:
- See Yourself:
- Understand Without Ownership:
Struggles and How to Overcome Them
I know I know, on paper it sounds easy, the part where many struggle is recognizing, when you are looking at yourself in your visualization, if you are looking at yourself like a stranger and not just thinking, “This is me”.
The detachment from your individuality is the hardest part, the trick lies in creating enough mental space to look at yourself as though you’re meeting a stranger.
This detachment isn’t about losing your identity; it’s about momentarily stepping outside it to gain insight. With practice, it becomes easier.
Eventually, you’ll be able to do this with your eyes open, even while engaging in conversations or making decisions. It’s like splitting your consciousness into two, one experiencing, the other observing.
